regard

I used to think they hated me. It was either that or I tested as mentally challenged and was unaware of it. Those are the only two hypotheses I could think of that explain my parents complete lack of regard for my opinion.

Up until high school I got the distinct impression they were pretending I wasn’t there, or forcing—though they referred to it as suggesting—me to do things I had little interest in so that I may just go away. It was how I justified their non-reaction to all the great things I’d do to the house, my plan for a modest—thirty to forty foot wide—pool/patio area, the sweet clothes I insisted I should be wearing, my distaste for vegetables of almost all variety, and my polite suggestions to send my sisters away for extended periods of time.

In high school, that impression changed slightly, in favor of them trying to mold me into someone I’d likely punch in the neck. The evidence of this is the ten-o-clock curfew, the insistence that I play the trumpet despite my objections and complete failure to make improvement, and their habit of taking my stuff away—be it television, internet, or car—when I strayed too far from their ideal me. Due to their habits, their ignorance toward my greatness became mutual.

Unfortunately, I’ve learned that their guidance was for the better; even if I have doubts I’ll mention it directly. The time spent with the nerd swarm of band taught me how trivial most social relationships are. All the things I never got to do made me realize that most things aren’t as important as they seem at the time. And, though this one took a bit longer to sink in, most of the things the cool kids favored were hallow and typically void of any social merit. Because my parents didn’t allow me everything I wanted—or even a fraction in some cases—they taught me a level of consideration that seems lacking. I don’t take most people’s opinions to heart, but am still aware that others exist.

This makes me an outcast or, more appropriately, an oddity today. I’m surrounded by people who are driven by other people’s judgments, but have little to no concern for those same people. How can someone shape their entire worth around what a person thinks of them, but not have the decency to be even mildly considerate? This is a very common problem. The best way to exemplify why I’m so strange though, is to write out specific examples.

In their cars, people are invincible. They are also the most qualified drivers on the road whenever their wheels are on the pavement. The problem lies in most every driver having this same belief. In this way everyone is driving for themselves with contempt for anyone else. Not using their turn signals, cutting someone off, or riding the bumper of the car directly in front of them are symptoms of this. With these habits comes a lackadaisical attitude. Driving while curling their hair, text messaging, putting on makeup, and any other number of ridiculous activities not meant to be done behind the wheel.

The attitudes lead to social vampirism. People feel they should get whatever they like from those around them if they give little to nothing back. They take snacks and desserts, or drink beers, or borrow movies, or invite themselves along to gatherings, but have no appreciation for it. They expect these things to be okay and are surprised when an issue is brought up. If others do the similar to them they keep meticulous record and are acutely aware, but were this done to them they’d see it as distrust.

In a world of me-firsts there is no appreciation. Favors are expected and there is little regard to the other person’s circumstances. There’s likely no reciprocation or even a simple “thank you.” Other people are expected to pick up after them, but if they have to clean up for others they are sure to make it obvious. If confronted, they make a point to mention the things they do, but, almost always, these things should be done regardless. This is mostly because their schedule is the most important and hectic, so it makes sense that they can’t keep up with their own basic upkeep.

There are always excuses for driving like an asshole, using other people’s things, or not doing the things even a downsy seven-year-old can handle easily. They’re ready and willing to list off all the things that make it impossible for them to act otherwise. It never ends up in conversation because it ends up being a game of subject-dodging. Even the Attorney General would have competition. Nothing ever sinks in because it would be too bothersome, so their behavior doesn’t change. And if it does, it’s temporary. They see it as a personal attack and think up reasons why you’re wrong in bringing it up instead of listening. When something specific is brought to their attention they trivialize it or retort irrationally.

Talking with these people is taxing because there is no subject too far off to revert back to them. The value of their input is severely lacking because it doesn’t stray away from their interests or their activities. This is because they only have egomaniacal interests. Because of this, their conversations are shallow and trite. If it’s not about these things they lose interest and start interrupting or creating sub-conversations. They lack the awareness of what’s around them to keep up. These are the people that would pick up their phone mid-evening with a room full of people.

I have to thank my parents for helping me to not be one of them. I take criticism, but see shallow judgment as just that. I know I can be egocentric, but can also catch myself. With their guidance I have—while it may be less than it should be—a level of common sense that is more and more rapidly being bred out of the population. I guess they could still have hated me, but something tells me that was just my perception. Even if that tends to be ninety percent of reality.