utiliships

We live in a selfish time. Children have been groomed to take their considerations first and to have little respect for the views or existence of others. There are many places this is evident, but friendships and the somewhat intimate relationships that develop therein, are an interesting example.

A friend has become more a resource than a confidant. It’s more about what a friend can do for you than making a genuine connection. It’s not as though friends weren’t used as resources and helpers before, but there were quality, deep connections underneath the bartering of favors. These are fading.

Trust in others is diminishing. People are skeptical and judgmental in varying degrees that make an honest, mutual relationship difficult. People are less and less likely to know their neighbors, or much less intermingle with them regularly. The local news hypes violence to sell ratings-based advertisements and thus create a slight paranoia that can easily grow.

What’s left is shallow conversation of little value. People seek the help of medications to ease the pressure because they don’t have the friends around them relating to their situation. They are left isolated while collecting friends on social networks like video games or action figures.

There is no sense of reality associated with these social networks. Even without discussing the ambiguity and outright untruth that saturates the medium, there is still a prominent lack of authenticity. People add to their list of friends indiscriminately. They see their number of friends as an indicator of status or itemized popularity.

These lists mean nothing. They are trivial. They are an inefficient archive of friends and acquaintances lost. There are people who actively add to this list in hopes of some abstract concept of networking or give the illusion of popularity.

I use these people to my advantage by contacting tertiary friends through their add-a-friend lust. I have no need to add a friend to mine when I can contact them within two clicks or even a quick search. My list of friends is larger than I can handle and it is much smaller than most I’ve seen. For the most part, I keep in contact with those on the list, but there are many people I don’t contact on a regular basis. And sometimes I only sporadically read updates about in order to keep up with small changes in their day-to-day routine.

Many people contact high school friends and add them out of obligation. This is ridiculous to me. In many cases, the only thing in common with the majority of my high school mates was that they and I were in the same building for roughly eight hours each day. Some have stayed in town, others are dotted about the country, but after those four years were complete, the option to associate with people with similar interests instead of similar class schedules was paramount.

I am close or routinely in contact with those I’ve chosen to stay in touch with. The rest were acutely influential in passing and I have left it at that. Reunions are meant to catch up with those you have—intentionally or not—lost step with. The addition of these acquaintances to my social networking friend lists would be trying to hold onto a fabricated connection that was thin in the first place.

Short cell phone conversations, quick informational messages, and witty bulletins or wall posts do not make a friendship. A friendship is built on trust and mutual respect between two people with similar aspirations and interests. Life is filled with transitions that strengthen, bend, or break these friendships. This is how it’s meant to be and how it’s been since we stood upright and started losing body hair. But without some form of actual connection, a cloud of isolation forms that is heavy and sometimes debilitating.

A two-hour conversation over dinner or a small gathering among closest associates can go a long way to realizing you’re not alone. There are others with identical or similar problems. There are people there to comfort you and congratulate you depending the situation. In just that short amount of time you will likely be reminded that you are, as they say, among friends.