shrub

She’s nice. She’s too nice. Since before i can remember she’s had a genuine place in her heart for even the most tertiary of strangers. She easily becomes emotionally entangled in many decisions. She is empathetic, sympathetic, and thoughtful. She is filled with emotions and they shift quickly. She can relate to anyone feeling pain or remorse or just slightly down. Her mood tends to reflect the moods of those around her. When tension builds, so does her stress. She puts effort toward making those around her happy because that’s when she feels at her best. Her talents do not relate well to a classroom, but will be invaluable as she adjusts and matures.

Because she brings so much of herself to relationships, she is at ease around people. People sincerely enjoy having her around. She befriends people quickly and strongly. She’s genuinely altruistic and exceedingly generous when she feels it’s warranted. This, unfortunately, can be easily taken advantage of by many different types of people. She puts others’ concerns above her own more often than she should.

Her self worth is heavily reliant on the opinions of others. She many times reaches beyond her means in order to try and meet the goals set by others. She tries to appease them. In failure, she takes on the weight of others’ disappointment along with her own. Because she relies on the judgments of others to determine her personal value, she can be easily brought down by slander. She is highly stressed in situations without support. With scoffs of “who cares,” she tries to hide or weaken her emotional bond. She strives and adapts to try and fit in rather than setting an example for others. She consistently goes out of her way to prove herself to people who take little heed.

I could never be the person she is. I could never be as good as she is. I learned early on to distrust and internalize emotional attachments. I am selfish and prioritize almost everything based on its relation to me. I can only hope to be “the funny one.” I am there to provide advice to a select few, but more as an observer than an emotional confidant. What I’ve spent the last years trying to develop came naturally to her. Many of my relationships are based on utility instead of strong connection. I have tried to put more of myself into those relations close to me, but she’s been doing that easily since before she could talk.

I respect her and admire her. I can only hope that she learns to better read people. If she continues on course she could find herself brought down by those around her. I hope she can be more selective. She will choose the people that are worthy of her company and develop strong connections. Those relationships will be healthier than many of mine. She will always be able to relate to people quicker, better, and more strongly than I will.

She’s better than me, but she doesn’t know it. Her value to everyone around her is not pecuniary. She is genuine, and that is becoming more and more rare with each episode of My Sweet Sixteen. I love her because she has one of the biggest hearts I know of. That, and she’s been my sister for twenty-two years.