engagement

I work within a department where I am the sole male. I have more female friends than male. I find them easier to deal with. Their cattiness doesn’t typically involve me and I don’t have to arm wrestle for the final slice of Lorenzo’s pizza. It works out for the most part, but there is one area that will forever baffle me.

The story telling that surrounds the proposal. How he “popped the question.” Where he went down on one knee. The symbolism behind his words. The lineage of the ring. The spontaneity or thoughtfulness. It’s all repeated for everyone to hear, over and over, to whoever happens to be around to listen. Why is this done?

I know it’s an important moment. In theory, because averages speak otherwise, it is the only time in someone’s entire life that such a question is posed. It is dreamed about and talked about and hoped for by billions of little girls. It’s possibly the second most important day in any relationship. It should be memorable, thoughtful, and romantic.

But shouldn’t it also be personal? Do your friends, coworkers, and passing acquaintances need to be privy to how you were proposed to? Does the story need to be repeated incessantly? Is it the inflation of romanticism that sparks the “awww” response?

Recently, about a week ago, one of the woman at the office was proposed to. She recounted the story early in the week in a meeting with all of the department. She undoubtedly told the tale numerous times over the weekend. I have since heard of the engagement and the subsequent planning on at least four different occasions. What’s the reason for this?

The preeminent writer of romance novels has been married five times. Most of the men and women writing romantic films have had similar luck. Girls are raised in the belief they will be whisked away by a prince charming. That never happens. Most settle for the first guy that they think they can change. Then they settle for him when they can’t change him because they feel as though they’ve wasted their time.

Romance is being able to tell someone they’re being an ass with the confidence that things will be back to normal in a few hours. Romance is letting her know you care through actions and words. Romance is knowing you’ll have at least one person laughing at your jokes. Romance is listening. Romance is respect. Romance is sitting silently watching a movie and knowing there’s nowhere else she wants to be. Love is all these things with the additional emotional connection that doesn’t fade with looks or mood. A connection that ebbs, but endures.

That connection is what’s important, and what should be valued. The sentiment behind a proposal becomes shallow upon repetition and meaningless to minor acquaintances. It is understandable to be excited and want to spread the news. But, to recount the story to anyone who listens tarnishes its true impact. I offer sincere congratulations, but don’t necessarily need to hear the transpired events repeatedly to do so.